Seaux Aleauxn

I shut down free bread in September of 2019. I have been trying to recover from that loss by going to therapy and writing about it here. I have taken a few contract jobs but I am not currently employed by any company, nor am I eligible for unemployment. I’m lucky to have a very small amount of cash in the bank, enough to cover rent for a few months. My current romantic partner has a job for now, so I can afford to live in safe shelter and be well fed. For now. I say this because everything is temporary.

All bets are off during COVID 19. But no bets have ever been on, for anyone. Ever.

I have quit so many things, lost friendships, gotten fired, dumped, cheated on. As a result, I don’t value and therefore don’t participate in home ownership, marriage or child rearing. I don’t have or want a gym membership, and I don’t particularly like eating at restaurants. I tried building a garden. I really liked that. but my landlord kicked us out right as our first growing season ended. Humanity intervenes. That one I’ll try again some day. But it seems like no matter what, the more you know about anything at all, the more of a shit show it all turns out to be. Gosh unless you’re Soooooooo lucky. There are some unicorns out there.

But I know myself. Unfortunately I NEVER learn from my mistakes. So that means I will without question go about my business of being heartbroken all the time. This is the curse of my personality. The only real problem now is what to get heartbroken about this time? Do I want to go back into the food business? Do I want to create something great or just mediocre? Do I want to learn how to code or try to teach myself a new skill or should I just spend this time baking?

I think everyone’s thinking some form of this or another, depending on their current encumbrances. Is that a word?

It’s interesting to think about how the different people in the different classes are spending their days. Those who are lucky enough to have internet – those who are lucky enough to not have to care for children – those who are lucky enough to be young and healthy- those who are lucky enough to be able to afford to not have to work.