Adderall

I have been taking adderall since October 1st, thereabouts.

I have done a good share of drugs in my lifetime. A good nice share. I never shot heroin but pretty much everything else, in pretty keen quantities. But as I am 45 years old, a midwesterner sent to a safe midwestern private college, I have only experienced my own very special 90’s era white person marketplace of drugs.

When I was in High School, in the suburbs of Chicago, my best friend and I tried weed because my brother smoked it and then we found out some cute guys smoked it too. I was a hippie in high school. I smoked a lot of weed, and dropped acid and mushrooms with with my boyfriend at the time. In college I became a drinker, and barfed consistently. Beer, so much disgusting cheap beer. But I was a valuable party queen at the dorms so WHATEVER IT TAKES! After college a few more drugs become available, I was living and working in Chicago PROPER now, away from my parents for the first time. Cocaine, Ex (that’s what we called it- it was 1998), we snorted heroine. But not ONCE did we get offered, speak about, or experiment with Adderall.

Generation X. We were a latch-key generation. I didn’t have the key around my neck but that’s only because we never left the door locked. Two working parents and a chronically ill brother, 3 years my senior. He was hospitalized several times annually with complications due to a disorder of the kidney, called Minimal Change Disease.

I didn’t even know the name of the disease until a few years ago. It was a kidney problem. That’s what it was. He would always be sick, hospitalized. And when he would get out of the hospital he would do well in school but people would make fun of him, which embarrassed me.

These are some of the things that I think about as I experiment with my adderall. I’ve been on it for 2 1/2 weeks. At first i took a pill and that was too much, then I only took half, then next day I took one and half. Then I take days off. My worldview has shifted in a very dramatic way.