I find myself back on Craigslist again, looking for revenue streams. I have my ‘thought diary’ app open so that I can challenge my aggressive self-bullying. I scroll though the words, they’re a meaningless, jumbled mess.
Imagining myself filling a job role is painful after years and years of failure. Despite the anxiety I am mentally capable of projecting a future with a job. I possess the ability to convince someone to hire me and to pay me enough money in exchange, so that I may survive.
I am not alone in a survivor’s world. We are everywhere, increasing in numbers. We are quietly hiding behind those who thrive, on high alert as we scan for secrets and hints and tools. We glean ideas from those who we assume are thriving, we emulate their exterior actions as a way forward. We take paths in hope and in strength- we say, with certainty, ‘here I will find my home.’
I QUIT EVERYTHING 