JOBS

MY FAVORITE FIRING

PIMCO, 2010.
Pacific Investment Management Co, A Delaware landfill company founded by garbage people and led by trash.

I was fired by PIMCO less than a year after getting hired. 25+ places of employment over my lifetime (so far) and this one was by far the dirtiest. I enjoyed being fired by the slobs who offered my severance package. It was certain that I had no business being in this environment in the first place, so when the hammer came down I felt relieved and comforted by our mutual disrespect.

There is one of me and thousands of them. Safety in numbers, right?

PIMCO brass and its associated sycophants are a population. It’s like a small town, only spread out across the country, tucked into great mansions and penthouses and coach houses and coops. Their families are increasing in numbers every year. Healthy babies helped along by store-bought genetic codes. Amorality is nurtured and encouraged as competition. These people don’t know survival- they know winning at all costs.

I had been hired as an executive assistant to a small cluster of stuck up ivy league assholes who spent their days selecting (literally clicking) places to put money. I’ll put a mil here, I’ll put a mil there.

A vast majority of the employees at PIMCO have two hundred thousand dollar MBAs. They pay the universities back by stealing money from Pensioners. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good gig. PIMCO will fly you and your wife AND your skis to Vail if there happens to be a UTF fund meeting in Butte. Close enough, right? We need some R&R after stealing all that money.

PIMCO will